


Just dark thoughts (random rants from a misrable individual)

by BloodyMark107 (orphan_account)



Series: Just dark thoughts (random rants for misrable individuals) [1]
Category: No Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28678305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/BloodyMark107
Summary: These are just rants that I have everyday.Don't read these if you don't wanna feel miserable.
Series: Just dark thoughts (random rants for misrable individuals) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101926
Kudos: 1





	1. Why can't I just die?

Why won't it just end already? 

Why can't I just die?

Why won't it just rain?

I just wanna grab that rope,  
grab that hammer

JUST STOP THIS NOISE!

It'll do everyone good if I just die

After all…

what's the point in my existence?


	2. What is love?

Honestly... what is love?

Is it just physical lust and attraction? 

Is it being a slave for someone else?

Is it dependence?

Is it tolerance?

Abuse?

Lies? 

Fabrication?

Sugar coated fucking poison to feed to the ants as they wither away and D I E;

drenched in blood _die you bitch_

Is that just for satisfaction?

F*** buddies? 

Someone please tell me...

This world is just so fucked up...

I can't understand it at all

I feel as if I could just drift away and fall apart.

Like a porcelain tea set.

If you don't want it to fucking break why did you put it in here in the first place?

Why'd you create such naïve and lame individuals like me?

What's the point?

Is this all just some huge game?

A simulator?

A book?

My life gets thinner

and th in nn er

and t h i n n e r

The worse things always have to come into play

Satan laughs...

THE WORLD laughs

They all want me to die...

"It was...always my fault"...


	3. My favorite things

Hmm...

DEATH

DEATH

DEATH

Maybe I'm just too much of a Debbie downer

A "Negative Nancy"

But when you add some sweetness to this life...

Some color

Some... _blood_

It's not so bad

Isolation

_headphones_

and music

Lock myself up in y room

to the brink of i n s a n i t y 

It hurts to see others happy...

their sense of n o r m a l 

is FAR from mine

I feel as if I'm some fucking alien

A piece of shit that's cast before angels

_unclean swine_

A fucking rag for you to step on

I just really wish to be normal

I'd do 

_a ~~nything~~_

_I...just want...to see her smile_

_Mother_


	4. Who am I you ask?

Hmm... maybe I'm just a fucking jacckass who wants to see you cry...

maybe I'm the victim...

_Mirror reflection; external_

Woah...things just got real personal

_I...just want to be swept away..._

_A stupid 13 year old who's lived their life rebelling_

_A 13 year old that wants to see you broken_

_Abstract Nonsense_ is my national anthem

_Autophagy_ is my soul

_Bitter choco decoration_ is my identity

_One off Mind_ is my motive

_Kimi wa dekinai ko_ is my life

_Lost Umbrella_ is my setting

_Wozwald_ is my aura- my vibe

PinocchioP's _Nobody Makes Sense_ is my logic- my understanding

PinocchioP's _What's inside_ ft. Hatsune Miku is my secret

_The Distortionist_ was my last stage

_Breaking Things into Pieces_ are my fetishes

_Maegamist_ is my question ford people

_Shinitagari_ is _(was)_ my friend's voice

and finally _Mind Brand_ is my voice

(All of those are song btw and they have suicide involved in some of them)

so as you can see...


	5. Have I even tried?

I know I complain that I want to die and just disappear...

I know

I know

Sometimes I try to die I try to stab myself with all my might but...

I can't I'm too much of a fucking wimp to do so

But...it makes it seem like my depression isn't real to others

I hate it when people want to assume that you're faking your depression

I hate it even more when parents call it "Teenager issues"

or just say it's the "Teenage Blues"

They say "oh, you're just exaggerating"

Mother calls you a drama queen

Father says it's just teenage shit

_When... **YOU GUYS WERE THE ONES WHO BROKE ME!**_

When that's not even fucking true!

Maybe I seem like the type to blow off steam too much- maybe I do

-But...it's so hard living in this world!

In one breath-They cry and say that they understand

But in the other- they call it teenage issues and tell you to grow up and that you shouldn't spend your time sulking

When you say you want to kill yourself- they say "No! Don't do that" Or "You'll get counseling" or they just cry for you and say it's okay

They say that you won't do it

They act like they know you and that you're strong and that you'll endure the pain

You tell the teachers that you're being bullied- they ignore you and give you more fucking homework

You tell you parents- "Just ignore them" and when you can't...

The stick talks But in the end...when you kill yourself- when you're the one that ends up on the news for jumping off of your school building

They...question

They claim:

School-"We tried to give her the best treatment. We gave counseling we tried so hard."

They cry:

Parents-"We just don't know what go into her...she was perfectly fine and now...*cries and moans*

They just...

**DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND**

not...at all...

not...even a bit...


	6. My new definition of H A P P I N E S S

NO!

_NO!_

**_NO!_ **

Happiness isn't about sunshine and glitter

It's not about family and love

It's not about sexual desire and pleasure

It's not about fucking dating worthless guys who don't give a fuck about you-

who'd rather shit on you and go fillandering

And NO! It's not about spending time with friends who were just with you for your looks- who never saw you the same way that you did

who only fucking humiliated you and left you all alone when you vented

no no no no no no no

it's not about mindfulness and sentimentalness

when your own fucking mind insults you:

_Stupid bitch Slutty bitch Whore Ass You deserve it_

_Why don't you just..._

**_D I E ?_ **

_Already?_

It's not about any of that shit...

**no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no**

Ya wanna know what it's really about?

It's about death, destruction and pain The feelings of having your heart ripped open

So you won't feel alone

You don't have any choice other than scuicide but who said that making yourself go **I S A N E** wasn't a choice? 

You wanna hurt yourself

Youo wanna plung that knife deep into that skin

But...He won't allow

Defense won't allow

You wanna die so badly

But..

 _hope_ still lingers

Emotions still linger

 _Love_ for the person/people that hurt you still...

 _still_ lingers for them 

You jut wanna rip them away like a piece of paper

But...

**_NO_ **

"So...why can't we have some fun?

Why can't we just go insane?

Wreck the mind?"

When youo're left with nothing else to do...

you become desperate...

_like me_

Searching...

desperately 

some way to hurt yourself...

to get this _thing_

this _demon_ out of your head,

off of your chest 

So...that's the only resolve I have...

It hurts to see others happy

When you have no kne by your side- you'd want to die

You'll know how it feels...

To be...all...

_...alone..._


End file.
